Inside the Sick Mind of: YUKI SOHMA
by Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma
Summary: Yuki, you filthy, filthy man! Ever wondered what Yuki is really thinking? It's all one click away in the hilarious series, featuring Yuki like you've never seen him before! [Finally COMPLETED!]
1. Harder Shigure, Harder!

**A/N:**

**It's time for my first story, on my new account. Fabulous!**

**I USED TO BE KNOWN AS CATS GO MEOW! Do not attempt to tell me I stole the story, because I did not.**

**This is just the first chapter of my story I had before, called "Inside the Sick Mind of Yuki Sohma". As you would have imagined, I didn't save it, so I had to re write it. It'll be different, for that obvious reason, but I'll try and keep it the same.**

**Warnings: Language and OOC.**

**Disclaimer: Whaddaya you think? My name isn't Natsuki Takaya, is it?**

-

Today, Tohru did a dance.

Not to self: Do not dance with Tohru at the prom.

"Look Yuki at my dance! Isn't it great?"

"No."

"Look, I can twirl- Ahhh!"

-

Why didn't the fall kill her?

-

Shigure is so damn fine. Why does Akito get all the sexy ones?

-

"Akito! I wish to borrow Kureno and Shigure for the day!"

"Never! I challenge yee to an angsty showdown!"

-

So, we did the angst showdown, with the angsty stares and stuff. Hatori was the judge.

He's damn fine too.

-

I wish I was sick like Akito, so Hatori could wash me in the bath… touch my body… make me scream…

-

"Yuki?"

"…"

"Your thinking outloud…"

"…Dammit"

-

I saw Akito again.

-

"I challenge you to an angst showdown!"

"No thanks"

"Okay then. Wanna go eat some cheese?"

"…"

-

Akito has a cheese fetish.

-

Harder Shigure, harder!

-

"Yuki…"

"Yes?"

"Your… thinking out loud again"

"…Dammit"

-

I kicked Kyo's ass today. Man it's sexy.

I wonder what he looks like in the shower.

-

"Yuki…?"

"WHAT?"

"Your umm… thinking outloud"

"Shutup, Kyo!"

"…Your scaring me"

-

Kyo, Shigure, Hatori and Kureno and damn fine. Tohru is ugly.

-

HARDER KYO, SHIGURE, HATORI AND KURENO, HARDER!

-

Man… a fivesome. Is there such a thing?

-

I heard Kisa blew up the school.

-

I heard- OH MY AKITO!

Oh. My. Akito.

-

I found Kisa in my bed.

-

"Get out of my bed Kisa! Either that, or give me a blow job!"

"…Yes Yuki…"

-

Harder Kisa, harder!

-

"Yuki, your.."

"THINKING OUT LOUD AGAIN?"

"No, your masturbating in the bus mall"

"…I did that on purpose"

-

Dammit! Why does Akito get all the sexy guys?

-

"Yuki, your umm…"

"What?"

"Thinking out loud again"

"WHAT! IS EVERYONE JUST TRYING TO BE A HATORI IMPERSONATOR?"

-

"Hello. I am Hatori. Yuki is thinking outloud"

I can't do it. Damn you all.

-

I said harder, Kisa!

-

I bird just crapped on my foot.

-

**A/N:**

**I hope it's kinda like the first one. I know it's sort of different. If I get the urge, I might try and re write "Gone Girl" or something like that. Maybe all of my stories will be re written. I just need time.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Review, if you will.**


	2. I am your Jesus

**A/N:**

**Nyaa! Chapter Two!**

-

I wonder what would happen if I put a vacuum cleaner on my penis.

-

…Don't give me that look! It was on the news!

-

Ok, I lied. I saw Kyo doing it this afternoon, with Shigure.

-

…And, funnily enough, Tohru…

-

Just thinking about it gets me all hot and bothered…

-

"Yuki your…"

"THINKING OUT LOUD AGAIN!"

"No, that's old. You're talking too much"

"…Damn"

-

Harder, myself, harder!

-

"Hey Yuki, look! It's a car!"

"Shutup, Hatori!"

"I'm… Tohru"

-

Dammit. I remember a time when the difference between a woman and a man was a lot! Now it's barely anything.

"Are you saying I look like a woman?"

"No Hatori, I'm saying Tohru looks like a 27 year old man"

"Oh"

-

"DAMN RAT, I WILL KILL YOU!"

"…Uh?"

"DON'T SAY SUCH THINGS TO ME!"

"…What?"

"Yuki, are you ok?"

-

Of course I wasn't ok! I was busy dreaming about Hatori in the shower!

-

"Yuki, maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself"

"Be quite, Kisa!"

"I'm…. Kureno"

"…Damn"

-

Who invented names? I can't tell the different between people because of them!

-

"That's so dumb of you to say that, Yuki!"

"SHUT UP, KYO!"

"Umm… I'm Kagura"

-

From now on, girls will be called GIRL and boys will be called BOY.

-

"Hey Yuki, what are you-"

"Hello Boy"

"Umm… My name is Akito. I'm a girl, remember?"

"…Umm"

-

THIS IS FUCKING HOPELESS! Stupid names!

-

"Yuki, I-"

"EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE!"

-

I am your Jesus.

-

"I didn't know you were Akito's son!"

"Shut up, Shigure!"

"My name is Tohru!"

-

That's it Tohru. Go cry to your dead Mummy's corpse.

Run along now.

-

I stole Kyo's porn. It was good.

-

"Yuki, are you masturbating to my PORN!"

"No, Kyo. I'm masturbating to the sound of your voice. What the hell do you think?"

"…"

-

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

-

Harder Ayame, harder!

-

Ok, that's just retarded.

-

"Little brother! You said you wanted it harder!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

-

"Where you being mean to Ayame?"

"Shutup Kyo!"

"Yay, you got someone's name right!"

"Get out of that damn Kyo cosplay costume Akito"

"…I'm sorry"

-

Fear me.

-

I'm half gangsta.

Akito told me.

-

She also taught me a valuable lesson in life.

-

"You see, when a Mumma and a Puppa love each other…"

"Yes?"

"The Puppa sticks his long, hairy cock into the Mumma's tight fanny. The end!"

-

Akito could work t a freakin' preschool with that knowledge.

-

Has Kyo ever used a litter box, before? Lets ask.

-

"Hey, Kyo!"

"I'm… Haru"

"…Dumb bovine"

"BI LOVE!"

"Ahhh! Bisexual cattle!"

-

I ran like I never had, on that day.

-

Harder, harder, HARDER!

-

"Yuki, I can't suck any harder!"

"Of course you can, Kisa!"

"Sorry"

-

That's the stuff…

-

**A/N:**

**How disturbing. Very, very disturbing… **


	3. Cumma Get My Gasolina

**A/N:**

**Nyaa! Fear my creativity.**

-

Kyo sucked a banana today.

He turned me on so badly.

-

"Yuki… do you wanna lick?"

-

Grr. Damn cat.

-

Okay, so, I was sitting around with that idiot Tohru, when who would walk in the door, but Hiro! He had a stiffy and all, it was crazy. Stupid boy and his puberty issues.

-

"Y-Yuki! My pants! Help!"

"Undo them and rub your hand up and down the thing inside. You'll feel much better"

-

So, he did it! And he felt happier too. He almost looked frisky.

Tohru fainted.

-

"Yuki?"

"Let me guess… thinking out loud again?"

"Nope. Your perving on me in the shower. Fuck off"

"Now now, Kyo. I only want a peek…"

"GO AWAY!"

-

Spoil sport.

I saw him looking at ME in the shower.

-

Harder Tohru, harder!

-

"Yuki, I'm trying as hard as I can, but I can't figure out this maths problem!"

"Okay"

-

GASOLINA! CUMMA GET MY GASOLINA!

-

"That's not the words, Yuki"

"Go away Kisa. As if you would know"

"My name is Ayame. How many time's do I have to tell you?"

"87,293"

"…"

"Your 87,290 off the big one!"

-

Ayame. I hope he dies a painful and arousing death.

-

FCUK ME!

-

My t shirt says that. I wonder why they spell it FCUK though. Maybe it's a misprint…

-

S e X m A k E s Y o U r V I S I O n B a D.

-

That's why I can barely see when I walk and always have the angsty look on my face!

-

"Yuki, is that true? Wasn't I your first?"

"No Kisa, you weren't"

"Aww…. Who was?"

"…Shippo"

"O.O"

-

Fear.

-

**A/N:**

**Haha. Short chapter for you, now.**

**I'll update… soon?**


	4. Kyo's My Dirty Little Secret

**A/N:**

**Bwahahaha. Guess what?**

**I did… nothing today.**

**I don't own the stupid song that's used here. "Dirty Little Secret".**

-

Guess what?

-

I did… your Mum.

-

"Yuki, I know for a fact that you didn't do my Mum. She died"

"Oh, be quiet Kyo, you sap!"

"I'm Tohru. Why do you keep mistaking me for men?"

-

That's it. Go cry on your Mumma's grave, ya pussy.

-

Just like… when Kyo did the crappy, over dramatic, true form thing.

-

"Your right for once, ya damn rat"

"Really?"

"Yep. They make it sound so much worse than it is. Stupid effing animators"

"Wanna go curse the FUNimation Studio's?"

"Fuck yesh"

-

We cursed them.

We cursed them bad.

-

Akito would be proud.

-

"Huh?"

"I said you would be proud"

"Oh, I am. Now I will pleasure you with a fivesome. Me, you, Hatori, Kyo and Shigure"

"Yay!"

-

Best day of my life. I swear, I've never had so much sweat drip off me in less that half an hour before. Ever. In my life.

-

"You are a sex God, Yuki!"

"…Be quiet, Momiji"

"Yes, master"

-

I am Momiji's master.

-

Haru sucked my balls.

-

"I told you not to tell anyone about that"

"I never keep secrets"

-

Let me know when I've done wrong,

When I've known this all along.

I go around a time or too,

Just to waste my time with you.

-

Yes, you.

-

"Me?"

"YES HATORI!"

"…Ok, thanks"

-

Kyo's my dirty little secret.

-

"…Excuse me?"

"What are you, deaf? You're my secret. My dirty one. About what we did last night, in Tohru's closet. Remember?"

"…Ya, now shutup!"

-

He's so sexy when he's mad.

-

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Stop listening"

"Yes, master"

-

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

-

My balls. That's how much.

-

Harder Kyo, harder!

-

"WTF! STOP BEING FOUL, YA DAMN RAT!"

"C'mon Kyo… I know you want it"

"O.O"

-

That's it. You stare.

You stare like Bill Clinton is stripping for you.

-

I'm so… sexy.

To sexy for my shirt.

-

"That's not true. I've never seen you without a shirt, unless you've just transformed back. Unlike me, who prefers to walk around with no shirt on"

"Kyo. No one wants to be like you"

"I DO!"

"Shutup, Dukoro-chan"

"…Sorry"

-

Damn interrupting fic writer. Always has to add herself in her damn stories. It's about me, dammit!

-

I like chatspeak.

Bend it like Sohma.

-

"1 Lyk3 2 fck thru"

"Bad Yuki! You don't like to fuck Tohru! You like to fuck me!"

"Shutup, Haru"

-

It's gonna be a long, long… bubblegum filled week…

-

**A/N:**

**SURPRISE!**

**Review, or death will knock on yee door.**

**Kidding, obviously.**


	5. That's Very Sexual

**A/N:**

**Yuki's mind. Haha. I've updated, yeah!**

-

My mind.

-

It bites.

-

Beware.

-

"Yuki, how can your brain bite someone?"

"Easily, young Haru. Easily"

"I'm only a year younger than you"

"OH MY GOD!"

"What?"

-

Does Haru not realize the goodness?

-

I got someone's name right.

-

Fuck yeah.

-

I deserve a million bucks.

-

Or a trillion yen.

-

"Yuki, a trillion yen and a million dollars are a lot more than each other"

"Hatori, please. I go to school. I would know"

"But-"

"Butts? Where!"

"…"

-

Why does everyone I love run away from me?

-

"I haven't run away yet"

"Be quiet Haru and go into that bush! Your ruining the angsty feeling"

"Sorry Yuki"

-

If you wanna pay me back, you'll have to do it in riding dollars.

-

"…Uh?"

"LETS HAVE GAY SEX RIGHT NOW"

"Yuki… I'm Tohru. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"8,443"

"But-"

"Butts! Where?"

-

Today, Akito asked me if I had an obsession with butts.

-

I said, no. I have an obsession with asses.

-

"Why do you keep saying that stupid pun then?"

"Because it's stupid. Makes me feel good when I say it"

"…"

-

Momiji should join the porn industry. I would do him good.

-

All those naked woman…

-

"What does it mean to 'do it like they do on the discovery channel', Yuki? Will I have to do that? Rabbits are on the Discovery Channel!"

"Yes, Momiji, you will. Keep up your stupid act and women will be throwing themselves naked at you. You just have to be prepared"

"How?"

"You know that dumb song you sang at the hot spring? I re did it for you. This will explain it all"

"Ok, sing it"

-

Who's in the bedroom moaning?

The babes in the house scream, "MOMIJI!"

The rest are waiting anxiously,

For their turn.

The babes spread their legs together,

"Who needs those other guys when we got you?"

Who's in the bedroom sighing?

Momiji, yes it's true.

-

"That's very sexual"

"I know. I'm a very sexual person"

-

Momiji got excited then. The bulge in his pants was a dead give away.

-

He went to find the 'babes'.

-

He sung the song too.

-

They grow up so fast…

-

"Yuki Sohma! Did you tell Momiji to have sex with people?"

"No Akito, I was just telling him the meaning of life, in a friendly song and dance"

"You didn't dance, you lying scum!"

-

I got raped by Akito.

-

I love her punishments.

-

What's that Kyo? You want me to go harder? But you sooo… tight!

-

"…What's that, ya damn rat?"

"Sorry, I was just imagining us having sex again. You're a fucking hot uke, Kyo"

"…"

-

Why does everything I love run away from me?

-

**A/N:**

**Yuki, you're a filthy, filthy man!**

**Go to… Hatori's bedroom!**

**Reviews are always welcome.**


	6. Fear not for it's, MR MAN!

**A/N:**

**It's 6:05am right now. You better forgive the crappiness. I've been awake 10 damn minutes.**

-

I've been awake ten minutes…

-

…And I'm already jerking off to Kyo's porn.

-

"Your making a racket in there! Shutup!"

"Stop listening, Tohru!"

"I'M KYO!"

-

I've always wondered what would happen if I took up smoking.

-

Lets ask Shigure.

-

"What would happen if I took up smoking?"

"You'd be wasting away at the environment with the toxic gases, you would kill more people than sharks, with those fumes and you would stink like a hobo"

-

I'm doing it.

-

The other day, we all went to Macca's for lunch.

-

I went on the playground with Kyo.

-

We discussed how everything in the playground seemed to be imitating boners.

-

"Look! Even the slide has balls"

"And the stairs and pubic hair"

"That's that stupid non-grip stuff"

"Hey look, a kitty litter tray"

"WHERE!"

-

Eww.

-

SEXUAL ASSULT!

-

"Where?"

"Why, right here of course!"

"Sir, you cannot ring the police and say we are sexually assaulting you"

"…"

"HEY! What do you think your doing! That thing doesn't go THERE! Ahhh! Ooh… a little to the left. Ahh, that's it… mmm…"

-

Gay sex is a wonderful thing.

-

HEY LOOK! Cotton candy on a stick.

-

It's been a few years since I lathered up my penis with this and got a random person to deep throat it all off.

-

Who should we pick today?

-

"Hey, yum! Can I have some?"

"Since when have we been to friendly to each other at random?"

"Since that girl starting writing this fic"

"…Damn her"

"Can I have a uhh… lick?"

-

Of course you can, Kyo. Just take it slowly. Have you done this before?

-

"Where you just talking?"

"Uh-huh"

"I have done this before, ya know"

"WHO TO?"

"Secret…"

-

While he's doing that, I'm gonna try and work out who it was. Crossing out all the girls and cross dressers, that leaves us with Haru, Hiro, Shigure, Hatori and Kureno.

It wouldn't have been Shigure, Hatori or Haru, I don't think. He doesn't really like them. Nor would it have been Kureno. So unless it was my brother or Ritsu, I conclude Kyo deep throated Hiro Sohma.

-

"Was it Hiro?"

"Wwwwwrrrg?" (Trans: "What?")

"Take my dick out of your mouth and answer"

"…Sorry. Umm, Hiro? Nah way! He's got damn puberty issues"

"Who then"

"Don't laugh"

"I wont"

"…Well, he was teaching me about things like puberty one day, when was about… 12? Yeah, so, he said "Oh darling, I need to get an erection before I can show you!" and I said "How?" and then, "Stick this in your mouth!". It's was disgusting, I tell ya"

"That doesn't explain who"

"Who did I live with when I was 12?"

"…Kazuma?"

"You got it"

"O.O"

-

Damn, Kyo's filthy…

-

…makes me wanna rape him.

-

"Do you have a hip?"

"No, do you have a dick, little girl? Pull down your pants and I'll check"

"Sutre thing Mr. Man!"

-

Mr. Man, eh? This sounds like a job for a super hero.

-

"FEAR NOT, CITIZENS! FOR I AM… MR. MAN!"

"Oh Mr. Man! You make us girls so horny!"

"Thankyou. Come again"

-

I bashed a dog up for peeing on a post. I whacked him good.

-

Where's the mail!

-

"Mail?"

"Yes. Where are all the males?"

"Umm…"

-

Why doesn't anyone understand me?

-

TAKE THAT, EVIL SPACE CHICKENS!

-

"I'm not an evil space chicken. I'm Kureno"

"Sorry. Didn't realize"

-

"Yuki?"

"Yes?"

"This whole time you've been…"

"Thinking out loud? That's common"

"No, you've been…"

"Masturbating in the bus mall?"

"NO JUST LET ME FINISH!"

"Fine Kisa, calm down"

"I'm Tohru! Anyway, you've been screwing Kyo"

"…What? Where's Kyo?"

"You knocked him out and mounted him earlier"

"…"

"I think he's waking up…"

-

Damn. I better run.

-

**A/N:**

**How disturbing. This story seems to be disturbing.**

**I DISTURB YOU ALL!**


	7. All Day Long I Dream About Sex

**A/N:**

**Decided to update Yuki. I seem to be having a Yuki fest, even though I loathe him so. Kyo is so much better. **

-

I bought a pair of fluffy slippers.

-

They remind me of dead rabbits.

-

And… Momiji…

-

Made out with Haru yesterday, in the middle of class. The class was…

SEX ED.

-

We were demonstrating the sentence,

"When two people are desperate and horny…"

-

People stared.

-

I laughed.

-

My hips don't lie.

-

"But your damn mouth does"

"Hush now Kyo. You love my mouth"

"My name is… AKITO. I am not that filthy monster thingy"

-

That made me think.

-

Is Kyo's true form really a 'monster'?

-

Like one that lives under people's beds and in their closets?

-

"No, you damn rat. I don't live under anyone's bed"

"Except Dukoro-chan's"

"Like, of course"

"…"

-

I did a "Yuki's Top Ten Most Perverted Thoughts".

-

10. Always imagining Kyo in the shower.  
9. Always telling random people to go 'harder'.  
8. Constantly thinking about sex.

-

ALL DAY LONG I DREAM ABOUT SEX!

Love that song.

-

7. Making out with people I shouldn't.  
6. Raping Kisa.  
5. Dreaming about fivesomes.  
4. Wishing Kyo would do a strip show for me.  
3. Having fivesomes.  
2. Purposely doing things wrong so I can have Akito's 'punishments'.

-

I'm not going to tell you number one.

-

Because there isn't one.

-

Hahaaha!

-

"Yuki, stop feeling yourself while cooking dinner. Your cooking is bad enough. I don't want you masturbating in my miso"

"Sorry!"

-

1. Masturbating so much

-

I saw Kureno today. We felt each other up.

-

"Harder, Kureno, harder!"

"I can't!"

"Why!"

"Because it's too hard!"

"Lets stop yelling!"

"Ok!"

-

G'day mate. Watcha been doin'? Gotta snag for me Barbie?

-

I am your Australian.

-

I can speak Aussie.

-

"Have an award!"

"I'd rather have you in bed"

"…"

-

Poop.

-

I said it here first, on Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show.

-

"Next up tonight, we have SCARY footage of Kyo in the shower, moaning Yuki's name! What next in the odd world of ours, you ask? How about Shigure eating miso Yuki masturbated in? That's good! Also making headlines tonight is, Kisa's first time and how Ayame got a job in the porn industry, along with Momiji. Not only that, but we also have Haru and Rin's secret affair, Hatori's SON and Tohru's real GENDER! That's right folks! You heard it here first, on Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show!"

-

"Are you gonna do actual reports on them, just to fill up the space of the page?"

"Yep"

-

I rule. Here we go. Yuki's on TV now, baby!

-

"Our first story tonight, Hatori's son. That's right, Hatori had a child with Kana, before her memory was erased. A reliable source says "Yes darling brother, it's true! He only found out last week! How shocking!". In reply, Kana says, "Hatori? Who's that?". We are still yet to know, what the boys name is. In other news, Tohru's real gender. People have been debating for years upon years weather Tohru was secretly a boy, due to the fact 'Tohru' is a boys name. Later investigations show this is unlikely, because when hugged, us Sohma's transform. Not only that, she has boobs. Also making news, Kisa's first time… showering! Yes that's right folks, after 12 years of not showering, Hiro has given Kisa a once in a life time experience to learn how to clean herself. Wonderful. Just heart warming. Not only that, but the excitement continues with Haru and Rin's secret affair! Ooh yes, very steamy. Apparently Haru isn't a virgin anymore, so sources say. Now we leave you tonight, with pictures from our files of Kyo in the shower and Shigure eating miso. Thanks for watching, Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show!"

**A/N:**

**I'm Australian. Muahahaha. **

**Dance. Review. I can do it all.**

**I'm doing a series now, called that. **

**Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show.**

**Look out for it.**


	8. Illegal Spankings, GASP!

**A/N:**

**Like balls? Like chickens? Like eggs? Like balls, chickens and eggs on toast?**

**Read my new drabble, called Crotch Stuffing.**

-

I was walking down the road the other day, when I saw someone in peril.

-

It was…

-

A DAMZEL IN DISTRESS!

-

Ok, to tell you the truth, it was Hatori in a tutu. But, anyway, I went to the rescue!

-

Dunna, dunna, dunna, dunna, MR. MAN!

-

I put on a Superman suit and put an M on it in permanent marker, before charging out and saying in a very manly voice,

"Fear not! I am… Mr. Man!"

-

Then Hatori was like,

"Hey. I'm stuck in the middle of the road by a wad on blue chewing gum! The most evil of them all! Help, help!"

"Ok"

-

So I went over there, with my retarded little red cape flapping in the breeze and…

Looked up Hatori's tutu.

-

But then of course I got a pair of scissors and cut the gum away. He cried with joy and skipped off.

-

But I took picture's beforehand.

-

Ok, so, like, the other day, like, I was sooo, over it.

-

I am speaking like a slut. Yay me!

-

"Ok, so like, I saw her… and I was all like, 'psh!'. I thought I was like, ya know, dead for sure!"

"Yuki, what are you babbling on about?"

"Your ass"

"But-"

"Butts! Where?"

-

Guess who's back with a brand new rap and I don't mean rap as in a new case of child molestation accusation? No worries, Shiggy's gotta a whole bag full of new toys…

-

I can rap. Like… Slim Shady on morphein.

-

"What is it with you and drugs?"

"I dunno. The taste?"

"…"

-

I think I might go abuse a random Sohma. Just for… no reason at all?

-

Kyo will do. He's so funny to stir up.

-

"Hey, stupid cat. Wanna go for a ride in my pimp mobile and we can ground some tyres?"

"Ok"

-

It was fun. We… uhh… went for a ride to Africa and back.

-

Yeah.

-

"We didn't go to Africa, idiot"

"We did in my imagination! Just like where we had sex!"

"…"

"Are you saying that the mall isn't like Africa to you?"

"Yeah"

-

Kyo's so unimaginative. He needs a bit of Mr. Man in him.

-

"Take this tablet!"

"Why? Your probably tryin' ta kill me!"

'Now Kyo, why would I do such a thing? Just take it. You'll be like Mr. Man!"

"…OKAY!"

-

Then, he became Sidekick Bob.

-

Like Sideshow Bob from "The Simpson's" with his evil red hair. Except Kyo's is orange.

Same difference.

-

"Come, Mr. Man! We must decend upon evil!"

"You mean like mount them, Sidekick Bob?"

"Yes. Yes, I do"

-

Kyo is now my bestest friend.

-

IN HIS DREAMS!

GASP!

-

"I didn't dream about us being best friends, Yuki!"

"Akito, what have I told you about that cosplay costume? You look nothing like Kyo. The costume doesn't even help!"

"Sorry…"

-

That's it Akito. Go cry to your Mummy.

-

Your evil, twisted, bitchy Mummy.

-

Akito's Mum is a… big fat bitch,

The biggest bitch in the whole wide world…

-

"You've seen the South Park movie?"

"Of course Hiro. Have you?"

"Obviously"

-

Hiro is so hot, when he acts like a dickhead.

I wonder if under that shirt he has a… 6 pack.

-

"I have a 12 pack, actually"

"A 12 PACK OF FAT!"

"Waaah! Somebody, Yuki's pickin' on me!"

"Quite Momiji! You'll wake Tohru"

"Ok"

-

Momiji knows what happens when he wakes Tohru.

-

Illegal spankings.

-

Like the one's Hatori used to make!

-

"Yuki, that saying doesn't work for something like that"

"What one, Hatori?"

"Just like Mumma used to make. You can't use that in an instance of illegal spankings"

"Are you… gonna stop me?"

-

Didn't think so, you stupid doctor.

-

HARDER, HARDER, HARDER!

-

"I can't go any harder, Yuki! Your shoulders are too tense for me to relaxen!"

"Sure. Massage harder, sissy boy"

"I'M TOHRU!"

"Right, right…. Tohru-who, did you say?"

-

Balls.

-

**A/N:**

**For some reason, I might go and write a story called, **

"**The Super Adventures of Mr. Man and Sidekick Bob"**

**Yes! How happy is that?**

**Review?**


	9. Angst Parade, GASP!

**A/N:**

**Yuki's mind update has finally come around for my fans. Say yay, damn you!**

-

It was 8am that morning.

-

The morning when…

-

MY MUM CAME FOR A VISIT!

-

Gasp!

-

Shigure told me to put on my best clothes.

So I put on my best angsty look, too.

-

Because Akito came as well.

-

"Yuki, here's your Mum"

"Mummy!"

"Yo, what's shakin' bi-atches? Wanna go for a ride in my pimped up ride? It'll be fo shizzle!"

"…"

-

I learned the truth, that day.

-

My Mum… is a….

GANGSTA SHORTIE.

-

omgwtfbbq?

-

That's what I was like.

-

On a brighter note, Tohru almost died today.

-

It all started when Haru and Kyo decided to have one of their stupid fights.

-

Tohru, being stupid and caring, ran in the middle, just as…

-

"Stupid cat, your going down!"

"Bring it on, ya fat bovine!"

(Haru dives on Kyo, his fists up and fat rolls hanging out)

-

It was just then, when Tohru dived in the middle. Haru like, landed right on top of her and almost killed her. Almost.

-

Silly bitch. Silly, silly bitch.

-

Knockin' on Heavens Door?

-

Not me.

Only Hell, thanks.

-

I failed my SEX ED class.

-

They said,

"Kissing Hatsuharu and giving ever gut wrenching detail is not sufficient enough for a report, Mr. Sohma. Although we all love you and like to kiss your ass, you will have to rewrite it"

-

I was,

-

So.

-

Freakin'.

-

Pissed.

-

So, I wet myself.

-

I like to scare people. For instance, Ritsu.

-

"Ritsu! You ruined my life, fo shizzle! I will never be able to live properly again!"

"NOOOO, I'M SO FO FIZZLE AND DO DIZZLE! I NEVER MENT TO! FORGIVE ME! I'M SO SORRY! SOOO TERRIBLY SORRY! FORGIVE ME! I APOLOGISE TO THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, EVERY LIVING PLANT AND ANIMAL AND ALSO TO EVERY INATIMATE OBJECT! I APOLOGISE TO ANYTHING THAT HAS EVER BLEMISHED THE FACE OF THE WORLD! IT'S MY FAULT-"

"Does that mean it's your fault, Kyo's Mum died?"

"…"

-

See? That kept him quiet.

-

Stupid, cross dressing, Monkey.

-

I know a girl who's obsessed with a guy.

-

MACHI.

-

I hate her. She obsesses over me, I think.

-

So, go now.

Go join "The Girly Man", Dukoro-chan and myself in our quest to destroy Machi!

-

We all hate her beyond words!

-

Haha.

I advertised in my diary slash randomness thingy.

-

Bet you didn't expect THAT coming, page number 5 of chapter 009!

-

Fo shizzle me wizzle.

-

Akito had a bath, because I was there.

-

She told Hatori,

"I wont bathe unless Yuki is watching!"

-

And so concludes, the epic tales of me.

-

No, not really.

-

BOO!

-

Scared ya.

-

Angst Parade.

-

It's like "Sesame Street", except it's for emo babies.

-

Ohemgee.

-

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to ANGST PARADE?

Where everyday there is a masquerade?

Where people live and go unpaid?

Because every single day, they get laid…

ON ANGST PARADE!

-

I gathered some random Sohma's and we did that show. Have a look.

-

"Hi. I'm… Ayame. I'm very angsty"

"YO YO YO MY FO SHIZZLE I'M AKITO AND I'M ALSO AN ANGSTY GANGSTA!"

"That's not what your script says, Akito"

"Hello. I'm Akito and angst is my middle name. My full name is Akito Angst Sohma"

"M-My name's Tohru… I'm also a resident on the wonderful street called Angst Parade… because I like angst… and because Yuki forced me to live there"

"I'm Kyo and I'm very angsty. See? I can wear black make up, just like you YUKI! And I wore MORE!"

"I didn't wear any…"

"HAHA! Kyo's wearing make up"

"…How very angsty am I…"

"Yo, I'm Hiro. And I'm very emo slash angsty. I like to wear 60 pounds of mascara. For I am-" (Has been bleeped out, or safety reasons).

"…I'M SO SORRY I AM NOT VERY ANGST, FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME!"

"I'm Yuki, the angstiest, of all the angsty angsters on Angst Parade. Join us next time, when we… count to number angst and a half"

"Bye…"

"…Seeya"

"ANGST!"

-

Fo shizzle.

-

**A/N:**

…**Randomness.**

**I'M GONNA WRITE A ONESHOT CALLED ANGST PARADE.**

**SO READ IT.**

**HAHAHAHAAAAA!**

**Review please?**


	10. Sexual and Social Lives and Car Trips

**A/N:**

**I want to suck your blood.**

-

The other day, I was talking on the phone to Haru.

We had…

-

PHONE SEX.

-

But I wont tell you about it.

Because you don't DESERVE to know.

-

Uo was drinking strawberry milk yesterday, through a straw. She laughed at Kyo when he fell off his chair and it spurted out of all her bodily holes.

-

Her eyes, her nose, her ears, her ass, her vagi-

-

Hatori told me off for saying vagina in public. Or, half of it anyway.

-

"Yuki, stop lying"

-

NEVER!

-

You will never stop me in my quest to defeat the evil of… evil! You will never stop my perverted thoughts from running through my head! You will never stop my random hatred for all things pure, fluffy and unmistakably orange!

NEVER, I SAY!

-

"Yuki, please. No one cares"

"Shut up, Hatori!"

"…"

-

What is it with people these days? Rant, rant, rant. Yack, yack, yack!

No one gives a damn about my feelings.

-

"I do, Yuki!"

"Quiet Tohru, you're ruining the angsty feeling"

"…Sorry"

-

It was then… the day of reckoning.

-

A day where all the members of Sohma House AKA Angst Parade…

-

Gathered to learn to count to angst…. AND A HALF!

-

It was superbly… angst-a-fied.

-

"I'm Hiro. Today, we were supposed to be learning how to count to angst an a half, but because I am a stupid little brat and don't do what I am told, I am going to give you all what I like to call a 'Tohru Lecture'. Do you people have no minds? Is that it? Can't you figure out how to count to angst and a half on your own- Ahhh!"

-

I raped him good, that afternoon.

Teach him to interfere with my movie tape I was going to send to the Fox Network.

-

It was going to be the best telly show ever.

-

Anyway…

-

I had a dream last night.

-

Shigure was in it. And Kureno.

-

They were wearing… tight, leather shorty shorts.

-

And fish net shirts.

-

It was very arousing, yet petrifying at the same time.

-

So, I told it to Hatori.

-

"Yuki, I don't really have time to hear about your perverted dreams right now…"

"But if had you in it! Doing a strip tease for Ayame!"

"Gasp!"

-

From that day on, I learnt that it was better to lie, than to be ignored.

-

I'm going to go do a strip tease on the dinner table, I think.

-

"Hey! What the fuck do you think your doing?"

"A strip tease"

"…Oh"

-

It was watched, filmed and taped by all.

Even though the last two are the same.

-

I went in the car with Kureno and Akito, the other day too.

-

"Every wonder about the social and sex lives of those little babies, Kureno?"

"Yuki, stop being foul. Only I can be! I am God!"

"Really? Where is your long white beard, soft eyes and slim figure, huh? All I can see is a fatty with boobs and despicably short, black, frizzy hair!"

"IT'S ALL TRUE"

-

She had a break down.

-

Kureno told me it was best I leave.

Then he remembered we were in a moving car, which no one was driving.

-

"ABANDON SHIP!"

"Shutup, fool"

-

I wanted to jump out the window. Damn Kureno!

-

And so, my ranting finally paid off when I found out I had my own series.

-

Swanky.

-

SHAKE WHAT YA MUMMA GAVE YO!

-

"…"

"What?"

"My Mum gave me nothing to shake, you sadistic bi-atch"

"Now, now Ritsu. Calm down"

-

But in the end, it was really Rin.

-

It seems the difference between a sexy, young, black haired girl and a chubby, cross dressing, yellow haired man has become nothing.

-

"You sick bastard! Take a look in the mirror, for god sakes!"

"I did, Kyo. It was still broken from the last time you looked!"

"I'M TOHRU"

-

It seems we are playing the name game again.

-

Maybe I'm just imagining it…

-

"That's most likely. You keep thinking out loud"

"PIPE DOWN HATORI"

"Okay"

-

Nyaaaa!

-

**A/N:**

**-gags on own spit, while asking for some reviewers- **


	11. Trip to Hana and the Fat Gangsta Donkey

**A/N:**

**My friend from school called Madison gave me the idea's for this one, folks.**

-

Tohru went to Hana's house today.

-

I went. So did Shigure, Kyo and… Ritsu.

-

"I'M SORRY HANA! I'M SO SORRY THAT I AM A MONKEY! I AM SO VERY SORRY THAT YOU MURDERED SOMEONE ON THE SUNDAY IN NOVEMBER THAT I WAS BORN! I AM SORRY I AM MAKING NO SENCE! I AM SORRY THAT I AM SO SORRY!"

-

It sucked.

So we sent Ritsu home to his bed.

-

Uo was there too.

-

So we went inside… and Hana's Mum was walking around all naked.

-

"I sence a curse in this house…" He said all naked and mysteriously.

"Mum! I'm trying to make new friends!" Hana said, before pushing us all into the bathroom.

-

It was awkward, because there we women's items in there…

-

Kyo and Tohru both threw up in Uo's hair.

-

It was discusting.

-

Then Hana kicked them all out except me and her.

-

I became aroused.

-

Very…

-

As if the bulge in my pants wasn't a dead give away.

-

"Wanna… do someone?" Hana asked me.

"You?"

"CORRECT!"

-

Hana has the goods. Under all the strange clothes she wears, she's definitely loaded.

-

I know, because I saw.

-

Then, the worst possible thing happened!

-

Akito flew through the window and landed on top of us.

-

"Yo"

"AKITO! WHAT THE FUCK?"

"I was trying to fly to Africa, but I made a slight detour to visit Hana before I left. So yeah and then I- OH MY GOD! Your sleeping together!"

"Yes. Yes we are"

-

Akito then had a sook, because she thought she was the only one I messed around with.

-

"Akito, just go away"

"Let me join in!"

"Ok…"

-

Hana wanted Akito with us. Scary.

-

Later on in the day, we discovered that Kyo, Uo, Tohru and Hana's naked Mum and brother, were standing outside listening.

-

Tohru asked me about it.

-

"Yuki I-"

"It's ok, Miss Honda. You have not yet felt the wonders of the man. You will"

"But-"

"BUTTS? WHERE!"

-

She then asked me how I had sex with Hana.

-

"Well, first I unzipped my pants and-"

"No, I mean how. Your cursed, remember!"

"…No"

-

I like playing stupid with such a stupid girl.

-

Anyway…

-

Hiro came over again.

-

"Hi," He said, "Where's da cake!"

Because secretly he is a fat gangsta donkey under the name of Zoe.

-

"I don't have cake," Said Tohru, crying.

I was laughing.

-

So then… yeah.

-

"YA DAMN IDIOT! STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF!"

"STOP TRYING TO IMPERSONATE KYO!"

"I AM HIM!"

-

Name Game is my favourite past time and game.

Now available in all good toy stores.

-

CRAP!

-

**A/N:**

**-chews shoe lace-**


	12. Yuki, the Emo Bag of Yeast

**A/N:**

**Updates Friday! Yes, it's come around again folks. Here's my updated for Yuki's Mind.**

-

I attempted to kick Kyo's ass today. Man, it's still as sexy as ever.

But my kick missed and whacked him in he jaw.

-

So I insisted on kissing it all better.

-

"Eww, fuck off!"

"No!"

-

"Boobs."

-

Hatori said I shouldn't just randomly say 'boobs' for no reason.

-

"Yeah Hatori? Well, I've seen the dirty pictures of you and… UO"

"There are none. I don't even know Uo"

"…"

-

That sucked.

-

"Yo, yo, yo! Whaddup dawg!"

"Just because I am a dog Yuki, doesn't mean you can make fun of me!"

"That doesn't sound like you, Shigure"

"…"

-

It was actually Akito in a Shiggy cosplay costume. He gave up on Kyo.

-

OH. MY. AKITO.

-

The other day, I saw Akito come out of a bra shop. A BRA SHOP. She doesn't have boobs big enough to fit in a crop top! I went over and questioned her.

-

"Hi"

"You don't have boobs. Give it here"

"No. You don't have boobs either"

"But Kureno has man boobs, so I'll give it to him"

"…Okay"

-

I really should have said Haru.

He has man boobs.

-

He has… UDDERS.

-

'Cos he's a cow and all.

But he's male… so it's man boobs for him.

-

"I don't even have udders, Yuki"

"Do so. I milked you, remember"

"That was my di-"

-

Why did the butterflies stop dancing?

Because it was a moth ball.

-

"That's the lamest joke ever"

"No, Kazuma, the lamest joke is you"

"I'M TOHRU"

"Sure, sure…"

-

I bought the 'Name Game' CD the other day, for my Xbox.

-

Everyone played. Me, Tohru, Kyo, Hatori, Haru, Ritsu and Momiji. And… Kazuma and Akito.

-

"Okay! Name the person to your left" The screen said to me.

"AKITO"

"I'm… Tohru"

"Aww, I lose"

-

Akito was very offended I thought she was Tohru.

So she punished me.

-

Damn, every Sohma is fine.

-

Maybe we should all become models, or something fancy like that.

-

"Hey Akito, can we all become models?"

"If you do it for the porno industry, yes"

"Good"

-

No one agreed accept Momiji and Ayame.

-

Eww.

-

I decided to go emo.

-

I am… Yuki, the emo bag of yeast.

-

Why? Because I said.

-

"Hey, Yuki can I-"

"Yes Kyo. You can be Kyo, the emo bag of dog poop. Put on that coat and lets go"

"Why am I dog poop? Is it because-"

"You're an annoying six year old? Yes"

"Oh"

-

Yuki, the Emo bag of Yeast…

Kyo, the Emo bag of Dog Poop…

Tohru, the Preppy bag of Glitter…

SHIGURE THE PERVY BAG OF BOOB.

-

"That makes no sense, Yuki"

"Quiet Hatori. It's your fault I spelt so much wrong in my last damn post. How could you? You deserve to die, dammit!"

"I'M AKITO!"

"Get out of here!"

"I'm not kidding"

"…"

-

Sometimes, life just comes right up and bites you on the ass.

Then masturbates for you.

-

Then, throws naked woman at you.

-

Yeah.

-

On some occasions, even naked men.

-

Yaoi is cool with me.

-

Harder, Haru, harder!

-

"No"

"…Dammit"

-

When there's trouble you know who to call…

Mr. Man and Sidekick Bob!

From their Man-Bob Lair they can't see at all…

Mr. Man and Sidekick Bob!

When the city is under attack,

And the streets are filled with maniacs,

All you have to doo-oo-oo-oo….

Is call…

M.R. M.A.N AND S.I.D.E.K.I.C.K B.O.B!

Now available for birthday parties, hen nights and strip shows.

-

I saw that advert on TV yesterday…

So I told Rin.

-

"Hey Rin, did you see the ad?"

"Yeah. Can you come and do a… strip show for me?"

"Yeah"

"Thanks"

-

I can never look at Rin the same way again…

-

JINX!

-

**A/N:**

**Well… that was odd. **


	13. Level of Kinkyness equals ANGST

**A/N:**

**This is quite a random chappie. Written at school. No spell check.**

-

The other day, Hatori asked me what the level of kinkiness was of his house.

-

"Tell me"

"No"

"Please?"

"Ok. It's... HIGH!"

-

But I didn't. mean high like that. Because friends, Hatori has been sneaking Haru's cocaine supply.

I should dob him in the the cops.

-

"Hello?"

"Hi. My name's Yuki Sohma. Hatori has been stealing drugs"

"...Uh..."

"Don't fear the sexy power of Hatori"

-

The cops then hung up.

That was angsty.

-

For the rest of the day, I will be...

Thekinky, sexy, angsty, gangsta cousin of all of the Sohma's.

-

"I don't want you to be my kinky, sexy, angsty, gangsta cousin"

"Too bad. Phear my mad gangsta-ness"

"No thanks"

-

Sometimes... I just hate Hatori.

I mean, I talk about him all the time... but the hatred..

-

"You don't hate me. You raped me"

"STOP USING LOGICAL STUFF AGAINST MY ANGST!"

"...Idiot"

-

I've never been called an idiot before. This just intensifies my ansgt.

-

"Hey look, she spelt angst wrong"

"I know"

-

Last night, I saw Shigure typing an email to Ayame. It was feral.

-

"Come on baby, I know you can't wait for tonight to come. I'll see you then, my Machi hating bestfriend slash lover thing"

-

That... made no sense... but seriously.

-

"Your making no sense, damn rat"

"BUT I AM MAKING LOVE"

"O.O"

-

Sometimes, people just can't resist my kinky, angstified body.

-

"YUKI I LOVE YOU"

"Machi, I hate you"

"Waaaaahhhh!"

-

It was then that I found out, that Machi is related to Momiji.

Which means...

-

SHE'S RELATED TO ME!

-

Noooo!

How could this be? I kissed her yesterday! Ick!

-

"Haha. You kissed Machi"

"SHUTUP YOU FREAKING IDIOT"

"...Piss off"

"Okay"

-

Sometimes, it's easier to just agree. That way, you can have kinky sex later.

-

Kinky is a special word, you know.

It signifies alot of things.

Like...

-

Sex... and binge drinking.

And some other stuff I can't think of right now.

-

BUT YOU KNOW THEY EXSIST.

-

So, overall... the kinky status is...

KINKYFIED.

-

"Will you stop it?"

"Kisa, I've never heard you so desperate for sex before!"

"I... never said anything"

-

What is it with people these days?

Is it because I smell like a hobo?

-

"Yes"

"Fuck up, Kyo"

"Why should I?"

"Do I have to silence you, MY WAY?"

-

Kyo ran away then.

-

Haha.

-

Akito popped around yesterday, too.

-

She said the level of kinkyness was kinkyfied.

-

So.. basically..

-

"Your ranting"

"Thanks for the update, Akito! Gawd!"

"That's alright"

"O.O"

-

KINKYFIED ANGST!

-

**A/N:**

**Well, sorry for any spelling mistakes. No spell check.**


	14. The Pokemon Craze Relived

**A/N:**

**UPDATES FRIDAY. **

**LOVE IT, DAMN YOU.**

-

Do you remember when everyone loved Pokemon?

-

I do.

-

It was interesting for a while, but then it got... annoying.

-

I mean, how many times can someone say, "Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" before it gets boring?

-

"Ninetails! Thunderbolt!"

"Dammit, I'm not Ninetails!"

"What are you then?"

"...A Squirtle"

-

Who ever knew Hatori was a Squirtle?

You?

-

I know one thing for sure.

If Pokemon ever comes back into fashion, before I am dead...

-

I'm going to go hide on... the roof.

-

"Hey, the roof is mine!"

"No, Kyo, technically the roof is Shigure's. He owns the house"

"Oh, right. But that's where I hide!"

"Really? I've seen you hide under your bed, too"

"...Shutup"

-

Squirtle, I choose you! Waterbeam!

-

"Yuki, I'm not doing it"

"SQUIRTLE! HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!"

"...Hatori, is my name. I only told you I was a Squirtle is so that you'd shutup"

"...Dammit"

-

I was watching Jerry Springer, last week.

-

It's been, one week since we heard about,

Psycho killers with problems they should work out.

-

"That verse is copywrited to Weird Al Yankovic"

"I know, Kisa. Thanks for stating the fucking obvious"

"...That's okay"

-

I think one of my favourite Pokemon colours is... white.

All the white Pokemon are strong.

-

"Are they?"

"Yes"

"I didn't know that"

"Why should you, Akito? You don't know much, except how to be a total loser and a big fat meanie"

-

Kureno told me to leave, then.

Party pooper.

-

"I heard that!"

"...Dammit"

-

The other morning, when I was sorting though my Pokemon cards, Momiji flew through the window.

-

"I didn't know you could fly!"

"I can't. Akito is carrying my with her awesome, sexy, seductive flying skillz"

"Ooh... skillz"

-

Akito his the fo shizzle me wizzle skillz, mah home dawg.

-

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME?

IS IT BECAUSE I STOLE 50 POKEMON CARDS WHEN I WAS,

17Y6?

-

"Look at that mistake, Yuki. That's offensive to you. Your age is not 17Y6"

"Isn't it, Hatori? Isn't it?"

"No"

"...Dammit"

-

It was then concluded that the person typing this has too big fingers.

-

"Do not!"

"Shutup, you"

"...Okay"

-

It takes a big-hearted person to help sick kids at the dying orphans hospital.

That's why, every Saturday afternoon, I laugh as Tohru goes to help them.

Poor girl. She could be at home watching porn, instead.

-

"Yuki, you shouldn't bad mouth Tohru because she'd help a sick kid and you wouldn't"

"Shutup Haru. You wouldn't help a sick kid either"

"…I know"

-

She actually bought an orphan home, the other week. She was called Hyrum. She liked chocolate, toys and… Pokemon.

I almost freaking choked.

-

"-choking-"

"Yuki, I thought you said you ALMOST choked"

"Shutup, you!"

-

BEGONE EVIL DEMONS OF STUPIDITY!

-

I'M TALKING TO YOU, DAMMIT!

-

"Me?"

"Yes Hiro, I was really talking to you. Now move over, so I can see Kyo"

-

Kyo is an evil demon of stupidity, I think.

-

"I am not"

"You are so"

"Not"

"So"

"Not"

"Not"

"So"

"Haha, Kyo! I made you say you were"

"…Damn you"

-

On some occasions, my smartness just overwhelms me.

Then I remember, I can't look anything but angsty.

-

"Momiji, what are you doing?"

"Coming to interfere with your life!"

"…"

"I learnt that from Akito!"

"…"

-

What's he so happy about? Learning things from Akito isn't all what it cracks up to be.

-

"C'mon Yuki, you know it's a lie"

"…Leave me alone, you porno midget"

"I'm offended!"

-

Ack.

A frog just spewed on me.

-

**A/N:**

**What can I say? Insanity is good.**


	15. Beeches, Leeches, and A Bushwalk Thingy

**A/N:**

**Okay, so I went on a bushwalk today, right? I wrote the song in my head, on the walk. It made me forget about the pain, rain and leeches! Go me, ne?**

-

Went on a bushwalk today.

It sucked.

-

Momiji kept on asking me for a piggyback.

-

"No, Momiji. If you want a piggyback, go ask Kagura!"

"That's not very nice, Yuki!"

-

Yeah, well, I aint nice, when it comes to fitness.

The amount I eat of that piggish Honda-girl's food, I'm surprised I'm not obese yet.

-

"YUKI DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT YOU COULD NEVER BE FAT BECAUSE YOU ARE THE PRINCE AND PRINCE'S AREN'T FAT NOOO!"

"Please, use punctuation. Not only that, think of Prince Harry! He's fat!"

"..."

-

Yeah, fan club, that's what I thought... -shakes fist-

-

"NOOO THE PRINCE SHOOK HIS FIST AT US!"

"..."

-

Anyway, back to the bushwalk.

Tohru was afraid she would get mauled and raped by leeches.

-

I told her not to worry; nothing in their right mind would want to fuck with her.

-

"-crying-"

"Stop sooking, you sook!"

-

It was all rainforesty. With rain and a forest.

There was even a grave.

-

"Yuki, it's bad to sit on people's graves"

"SHUTUP HONDA-GIRL! You sat on your Mum's grave when Kyo did the whole true form thing. No actually, you LIED on it. That's even worse"

"NOOO! Don't say things like that!"

-

That showed her, didn't it?

Stupid Mumma's girl.

-

Kagura pulled Kyo into the bushes.

I wonder what happened.

-

"Yuki, it's not nice to talk about people like that"

"HONDA-GIRL, HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO- Oh, it's only you Hatori. Sorry, my mistake"

"..."

-

Tohru is starting to wonder if she really _does_ look like men between the ages of 17 and 27.

I told her yes.

-

A leech attacked Akito, but because Akito is God, this is what happened.

-

"I AM YOUR GOD! Stupid animal! Get of me! I am God, damn you!" (Akito)

"Akito, your only God to the Zodiac" (Hatori)

"...The leech isn't part of the Zodiac?" (Akito)

"..." (Everyone)

"What? How would I know?" (Akito)

-

Yes. Classic example of Akito's stupidity.

-

In the end, Kisa farted and the leech died.

-

"I, being a doctor, find from the diagnosis that the leech died from poison gas"

"..."

"What?"

"You did a cross check examination on a fucking _leech?_"

"Well, leeches need autopsies too!"

"..."

-

I could never look at Hatori the same.

-

Haru found a girlfriend, too.

-

"Hi, little girl. Lets have sex"

"..."

"What do you mean, you aint straight!"

"..."

"FUCK YOU!"

"Haru, you're talking to a fern. Fern's aren't alive, _or_ straight. Please, shut up"

"...Oh"

-

Once we reached 500 meters from out starting point, we had already lost a Sohma.

Wish it was Tohru.

-

"I... can't... can't go on! Go on... without me!"

"I'd be happy to"

"..."

"Hiro, no one cares about you"

-

What? No one does! I was only telling the truth.

-

Shigure and I found two huge leeches.

We put them to suck in a place we shouldn't have.

-

"Yuki, Shigure. Your both bleeding from your manhood's"

"...I knew that"

"I didn't"

"SHUTUP SHIGURE"

"..."

-

I couldn't have sex for a week, after that.

-

My poor fangirls were restless. They really needed some money.

-

"Yuki, we want to prostitute to you! We need the cash!"

"I can't have sex for a week, ladies"

"...Aww"

-

Hiro caught up in the end, too.

I laughed.

-

Afterwards, Kyo challenged me to a fight.

He looked all cute, because he was all sweaty from walking up the hill.

So I said, "Yeah, but can I poke your abs first?"

He gave me a weird look and walked away.

-

Damn him.

-

"I heard that, damn rat"

"Not my fault, sexy cat"

"WTF"

"Nothing, nothing. May I push you off the cliff?"

-

Did I forget to tell you we made it to the pinnacle?

-

"No, you can't"

"Aww. Party pooper"

"Naw, I just don't wanna die. Yet"

"Oh"

"I'll tell you when I do, though"

"Yay! Love you, Kyo!"

"..."

-

I think I really scared him this time.

He actually wet himself.

-

On our way back, we saw a beech. No, not that kind of beach.

A beech tree.

-

"OH MAH AKITO A BEECH TREE"

"..."

"What?"

"Akito, no one cares about your sightings"

"I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED, TOO!"

-

Strange woman.

-

We went to the waterfall. Kyo hated it.

-

"Stupid water"

"Why do you hate the waterfall? It's beautiful"

"Ya, but I really need to pee now"

"I recommend putting a leech where you shouldn't. It really sucks every drop out!"

-

Kyo did it.

And he yelled at me.

-

"DAMN YOU! THAT HURT AND NOW I AM BLEEDING!"

"And now I need hearing aids"

"..."

-

I didn't really though. I wouldn't be surprised if I did, one day.

-

"Mr. Sohma? Why do _you_ need hearing aids?"

"Kyo yelled in my ear too many times as a youngster"

"..."

"What?"

"You just heard me then, when I spoke. The test is, that you shouldn't"

"...Crap"

-

Once we got back to the Main House, we realized we lost Ritsu up there.

No one really cared.

-

"I don't care"

"Me neither"

"Okay"

"So, anyway, this one time-"

-

"Yuki?"

"Yes?"

"Please, stop having a decent conversation with yourself"

"...Sorry"

-

SUCK EGGS!

-

**A/N:**

**WHAT THE HELL. That was insanity, of the highest order.**

**Do you agree?**


	16. The Sims Sexy Party, GASP!

**A/N:**

**THIS CHAPTER IS THANKS TO A FEW RANDOM THINGS MY FRIENDS MADISON, ZOE AND CHARMAINE WERE TALKING ABOUT.**

**LOVE YA ZOE! SORRY YOU LEFT ME!**

**Yeah.**

**UPDATES FRIDAY.**

**You know you want to die with joy, or something. **

**Just so you know, after this one with Yuki, I am going to do a KYO ONE.**

**Why?**

**BECAUSE HE'S LOVE.**

-

I had a dream, once.

It involved weird things happening.

-

Like… CINDERELLA AND AKITO MAKING OUT GASP!

-

"…"

"Akito, it's rude to stare at me,"

"I wasn't staring. I said dot dot dot"

"…"

"NOW WHO'S STARING?"

-

Have you ever noticed how aggravated Akito gets sometimes? Gawd.

-

I went an bought perverted manga yesterday.

It's… very… sexual.

-

But it's alright.

-

Because I like sexual things.

-

"What is it with you? Always talking about sex!"

"…Since when have you thought about me, Mum?"

"MY NAME IS…"

"Quiet! No one will ever know your name! You are my mother! That's that!"

"…TOHRU!"

"…"

-

How much pot could a pot wad smoke, if a pot wad could smoke pot?

…I don't know.

-

PUFF THE TRAGIC WAGON,

LIVED IN THE STREETS,

AND FROLICED IN THE AUTUMN MIST,

WITH PEOPLE IN HIS SEATS.

AND LITTLE YUKI SOHMA (me) LOVED THAT RASCAL PUFF,

AND BOUGHT HIM HASH WITH ALL HIS CASH AND OTHER ILLEGAL STUFF.

-

"That was a very… interesting song, Yuki"

"Thanks, Hatori. I know. Madison wrote it for me. JUST FOR ME!"

"…Who's Madison?"

"A figment of my imagination"

"…"

-

I was playing the Sims the other day. It was good fun.

-

I had all the Sohma's in a giant house, with a huge garden. (Sohma Estate)

Everyone hated Akito. (Because they do)

I was king of sex. (Because I am)

And I killed off a few people by making them have sex too much. (…)

Those people were…

Kyo, Hatori and Ritsu. (Oh my Akito)

-

Threesomes on the Sims are funny to watch. Especially between three guys.

-

"Oh mah Akito. That's spazz of you! As if I would have a threesome with those retards"

"…You know you want to, Kyo"

"I DO NOT!"

"That blush on your face signifies it all. (walks away)"

"(dying)"

-

Then I made a "Sims Sex Party".

People had sex all night.

-

Tohru wasn't my sex slave… as you probably thought.

It was really…

AKITO.

-

Tohru was… RITSU'S SEX SLAVE!

-

Wait, Ritsu is supposed to be dead. Oh well, I'll bring him back to life.

-

"Y-Y-Y-Yuki! What's t-this?"

"(looks at Tohru)"

"W-Well?"

"It's a sex party. See that idiot girl? That's YOU. See that guy there, who's naked and has a crown? That's ME. But your to stupid to have sex with me"

"…"

-

I made Tohru cry, because she had to have sex with Ritsu.

-

Of course she didn't care when it came to Shigure or Kyo…

-

Hmm. I always knew there was something going on there.

-

You know how you just have a strange feeling about things?

-

Yeah. It makes guys get erections.

-

"YUKI!"

"AKITO!"

"DON'T BE FOUL!"

"STOP TOUCHING MY BODY!"

"…"

-

I scared her away.

-

I s'pose no one ever told her to speak with a full mouth.

-

"What's that mean, Yuki?"

"Well, little Kisa, it means… you shouldn't talk when your deep throating someone and they are driving. It makes the guys steer off course and hit poles"

"What if they aren't driving?"

"Wanna find out?"

-

It felt great. She told me about her day and kept on laughing.

-

Nrrrg….

-

PARTICLE MAN, PARTICLE MAN!

-

"Your Mr. Man"

"…Dammit"

-

From a constant repeating from Zoe and Madison (my imaginary friends) I have been told to write in my…

What the fuck, authoress? I aint doing that!

-

"Do it,"

"No"

"Want me to make you have sex with Tohru?"

"…You wouldn't dare"

-

Guess what? Just ten minutes ago, I had sweaty hot sex with Tohru!

-

"…I'm sorry"

"So you should be. Now do what I said"

-

I kicked Kyo's ass today.

Man it was sexy!

-

There. Done. Now I can continue writing.

-

Wait… I've run out of things to say.

-

"YO MUMMA"

"YO MUMMA"

"YO MUMMA"

"YO MUMMA"

"YO MUMMA"

"YO SUGARMUMMA!"

"Ooh! Burn!"

"I know. I know"

-

My sugarmumma went on a holiday a few years back…to…

AMERICA GASP.

-

"America gasp?"

"Yes. You have to gasp"

"…"

-

Sometimes, I have to wonder if Hatori is a bit stupid. He just doesn't get anything I say. Like seriously, he's too serious. Like, take a look at Kisa. She's quiet, sure, but she's not serious! I think Hatori needs to take a chill pill. But, if he can't get his hands on any chill pills, I know a better drink he could take… comes straight from my-

"Yuki, please."

"Please what?"

"Be quiet"

"…"

-

DAMN YOU ALL.

-

**A/N:**

**Heh. "I kicked Kyo's ass today. Man it's sexy!" Is my two friend's favourite quote from the whole freaking story, I think. They say it all the time. Silly girls.**

**Well, review. Because…. Yeah. Reviewing is fun.**


	17. Highly Medicated for Your Own Protection

**A/N:**

**Angst. There are only three more chapters after this until the end of the series! **

**But, as I said before, I am going to do a KYO ONE after this one.**

**Because… HE IS LOVE.**

**Oh right, I should tell you the IMPORTANT thing. I have 5 more hours on the computer and I am in a pervy mood. Know what that means?**

**I AM GOING TO FINISH THE SERIES… TONIGHT.**

-

I'm in big bad trouble!

-

Tohru caught me in her underwear drawer!

-

What am I supposed to do now?

-

Ahh crap!

-

"Y-Yuki! Oh my gosh! What are you doing?"

"…What exactly does it look like?"

"Your in my u-u-underwear…"

"RIGHT! You answered your own question!"

"O.O"

""

-

Hatori… he asked me to do DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) with him…

I did.

-

The song was odd.

-

Waka Laka? (I happen to be listening to this right now)

-

What kinda name is that?

-

I'll tell ya.

-

Spazz.

It makes me think the wrong thing.

-

"What do you mean, Yuki?"

"Well Hatori, Waka sounds like 'wank' and Laka sounds like 'lots'. In turn, it makes me think of Wank Lots"

"…"

-

I wrote a song. Called… WANK LOTS.

-

I like to wank, wank wank,  
Gotaa spank, spank, spank,  
THAT NAUGHTY MONKEY!

-

"…"

"What, Akito?"

"(crying)"

"…"

"THAT'S SO DAMN SEXUAL!"

"Thankyou! (hugs)"

-

I like sexual things.

-

This morning, I sang a verse of a song to KURENO.

Hells ya.

-

"Hey, Kureno?"

"Yeah?"

"CHICKETY CHINA THE CHINESE CHICKEN!"

"…"

-

You know, Kureno is a sparrow, not a chicken? True.

He's not Chinese either.

But… what I said was funny.

-

"Ummm… Yuki, I don't understand…"

"If I have one of your drumsticks my brain'll stop ticking! (utter joy)"

"…"

-

Get in tune with Sailor Moon.

It has the BOOM anime babes.

They make me think the wrong thing.

-

"Yuki, how can you watch anime… when you ARE an anime?"

"Well Hiro, metaphorically speaking, I am not AN anime. I'm part of an anime. So answer me this; how do YOU watch that stupid anime of yours, if your, in your own words, 'an anime'?"

"…"

-

My wisdom scares people.

-

WATCH YOUR STEP! I'LL KICK YO SUGARMUMMA'S CANDY ASS!

-

"Yuki, that's a very good thing to say"

"Thanks, Ayame. You see, 'sugarmumma', then you have 'candy ass'. It's funny!"

"…"

-

BEETHOVEN THE EIGHTY-FOUTH AND A HALF.

-

Yes…

-

What's this? A letter from the law authorities? They say that my diary has been found and that it is unacceptably pervy? They say that I am a discusting pervo who should be locked in jail?

Well.

They can shove it up their asses.

-

"Yuki, you have to go to court…"

"QUIET KISA! I RUN MY OWN LIFE!"

"Yes, I know, but if you don't go, they'll hunt you down and hang you infront of everyone on rational TV"

"Wicked! That means I can masturbate and everyone will see me! YAY!"

"…"

-

Akito popped around for a visit. She flew through the window again.

-

"Hiya Yuki!"

"…"

"WHAT'S UP?"

"…"

"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO CRUEL AND SO THOSE THINGS?"

"…"

"FINE! I'LL LEAVE! GOODBYE!"

"…"

-

Isn't it strange how I said nothing, but she thought I did?

Maybe she needs medication or something.

-

WARNING!

The above Yuki Sohma is highly medicated for your own protection.

It has come about that Mr. Sohma has a tendancy of ripping off his shirt in public, then doing a hoola dance along a pole.

It is advised you do not go too close to him, as he might turn into a vicious, rabid animal with rabies. You wouldn't want your children to catch that, would you?

-

No, dammit.

-

"Yuki, why did you stick those signs with your picture everywhere?"

"…I felt like it. Maybe now people wont want to hug me"

"But Yuki, your so cuddly!"

"…Sh-Shigure… Are you alright?"

"…No"

"…"

-

So much stupid, illegal dotting.

Should be banned.

-

"I proclaim that when people write fics, they should NOT use the "…" rule to explain shocked silence or dramatic pauses. This just causes the page to be filled up and for others to think that the story slash chapter is longer that it really is. If the reader is talented, they will already understand shocked silence or dramatic pauses from the surroundings of the story. Thus, people should not be allowed to use the "…" as a sentence, or a part of a talking section. Oh, what? Okay. It's come to my attention that all this has been written to distract the reader into thinking this is a long story. What the hell? Isn't that what I'm going against? DAMMIT!"

"…"

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THAT?"

-

I learnt, from that day on, it's better not to use your younger cousins as a form of fic writing parliament. Not only that, it's best not to speak before you read the speech. Fic writers are bitches.

-

Lashings of Toast on a gaspable stick.

**-**

**A/N:**

**SEXABLE!**


	18. That's Very Sexual, PART TWO!

**A/N:**

**End of the series is near!**

**THIS WHOLE CHAPTER IS ABOUT SEX AND OTHER PERVERTED THINGS. DON'T LIKE IT? DON'T READ IT! **

-

I first had sex when I was 8.

I was raped.

-

"Who raped you?"

"Haru… you know…"

"No, I don't"

"Stupid cow… KYO!"

"…"

-

Okay, so it wasn't really Kyo, it was Akito.

-

During school this one time, we were in sex education.

They were talking about fore skins.

-

"My foreskin is broken" (Me)

"No it's not!" (Kyo)

"Who broke it?" (Random)

"Don't be so ridiculous…" (Teacher)

"It is!" (Me)

"Y-Yuki…" (Tohru)

"TOHRU BROKE MY FORE SKIN WITH HER UGLY POWERS!" (Me)

"…" (Everyone)

-

I'm sick.

-

Sick minded, that is.

-

I like to play video games where a naked person pops up at the end.

-

"There's no such thing!"

"Young Ritsu, of course there is…"

"Can I have it?"

"…"

-

I like watching crime shows too.

Dead… naked… raped… girls.

-

"FREAK!"

"…Please, I didn't want your comments Kagura"

-

It's sometimes hard to keep dry during class.

Everywhere I look, everyone is hot.

-

Guys, girls, it's all the same.

-

I always wet myself with joy.

-

"Do not,"

"I do so, ask Tohru"

"(walks to Tohru)"

"My pants are often hot and sticky, aren't they?"

"Y-Yes… with white stuff…"

"See Momiji? I'm always right about MYSELF"

-

I think I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese,

I REALLY THINK SO!

-

"You are Japanese"

"…"

-

Ya know, a little sex never hurt anyone.

Then again, a lot doesn't either.

-

"What's your favourite thing about a girl?"

"…Hmm, I like most of things about a girl"

"I like… the sticky heat"

"…"

-

I LIKE CHOCOLATE SPERM.

-

"No such thing!"

"Well… not really. But I could always fuck you stupid and collect our cum in a bottle, then tip it in the chocolate Tohru's melting right now for the dessert tonight,"

"…"

-

That showed him to be a dickhead towards ME.

ME!

-

King of sex! ME!

-

"Your not king of sex… I AM!"

"Akito, you're a chick. You can be queen. We shall fuck the sexy world"

"OKAY!"

-

Ahh…

Just like giving a blowjob to a baby…

-

"I believe that the term is 'candy to a baby', Yuki"

"BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT HATORI! I DIDN'T STEAL THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!"

"…"

-

That aint a stab at Michael, that's just a metaphor I'm just psycho…

-

Yeah.

You know you want it.

-

"Guess what Yuki? This afternoon, I got my first job in the porn industry! Are you proud?"

"YES MOMIJI I AM"

-

I LIKE WRITING IN CAPTIALS.

IT MEANS I AM SHOUTING.

-

"Please, stop"

"NO"

-

Crap!

I'm in jail now.

-

Scary.

-

And… pervy.

-

Then again, everything to me is pervy.

-

DAMN!

-

**A/N:**

**That was a strange chapter.**


	19. The Drunken Man From Brewery Lane

**A/N:**

**Ooh, second last chapter! THE UTTER PH3AR.**

**Guess what, though?**

**TOHRU. I might even do one of her as well… called…**

"**Tohru Poop Brains: Inside the Innocence" **

**Muhahahaha!**

-

ANGST.

-

I like angst.

-

A world without angst would be like a world without…

Sex.

-

"What is it with you and sex? Is that all you care and think about?"

"Yes, Hatori, it is. You only just realized that?"

"Yes."

"You are officially… A BOOB"

"…"

-

I was later informed I am not from London, there fore I am not allowed to say "Ya Boob!". I was offended, so I tried to get my London-ese person's license thingy.

I don't speak London-ese though.

-

"Ya boob!"

"Yes Yuki, you correct! I own some boobs. Want to see?"

"No Tohru, your flat chested. I'd rather stare at Haru in the shower"

"…"

'Thanks anyway, though!"

-

That stupid cat followed me to my secret base today.

Not to one with plants…

The one where I hide all my kinky items.

-

"What the hell is all this stuff?"

"I use it when I rape random people from the street."

"Ah, I see. That's nice isn't it…"

"I guess. Wait, why are you being so nice?"

"(pleading look)"

"Yes. You can borrow some stuff"

"YAY!"

-

I like being friendly to my mortal enemies every once in a while.

-

"Yuki, it is quite unusual for you to be nice to Kyo. Is it that he treated you to some hot, steamy, love making behind the school cafeteria?"

"…No"

"Oh, are you sure? I HAVE SOME PICTURES"

"Hatori, I am not afraid. Because, I did not do it"

"Please don't speak in such a formal manor"

"…"

-

MIKO MIKO NURSE.

-

I hate owls.

-

I had transformed and I was like running around outside, nibbling grass, when this damn owl came along and grabbed me!

-

It was male though, so I reached up and bit his dick so he dropped me.

It was good fun.

He tasted real bad though.

-

I was degraded the other day.

By…

-

AYAME.

-

AT SCHOOL.

-

"Hello dearest brother! I have come to nuzzle you to my teat, for a winter warm treat! All shall be well when I dress you for a fair maiden, such as Tohru herself!"

"Ahh! What are you doing here? Nrrg, you freak! GET OFFA ME!"

"But brother, your hands need to be warmed with my own breath! I need to fix the gap between us, forever!"

"…"

-

Everyone was staring as if we were married.

Maybe that's because AYAME NEEDS A DAMN HAIR CUT.

-

So, in other words…

I HAD MY DIGNITY STOLEN GASP!

-

"Yuki, your brother steals everyone's dignity,"

"Thanks for stating the obvious, Hatori!"

-

I just realized something.

I talk about Hatori quite a bit, don't I?

-

Maybe I have a… a… HATORI FETISH.

-

NOOOOOOOOO!

-

Anyone but Hatori, please!

-

"Why don't you like me?"

"I never said I didn't like you, darling, I just said I wouldn't want to have a fetish for you. Your way to serious. Loosen up every once in a blue fucking moon!"

"…"

-

Akito later asked me what a "Blue fucking moon" was.

-

"Well, a blue fucking moon has been known to be just a legend, but it is as real as your or me! When the blue fucking moon is out, it causes everyone to suddenly want to fuck with someone else, which causes the birth rate 9 months later to be astounding! It has only happened 8 times…"

"REALLY! WOW!"

"No Akito, I was kidding. I just put the word 'fucking' in between the commonly used sentence, 'blue moon'. Idiot"

"…"

-

Sometimes people's stupidity makes me wet myself with laughter.

-

"Yuki… your pants are all wet and there is something smelly on my foot…"

"Well Kagura, that will teach you to be such a moron, wont it?"

"Y-Yes Yuki…"

-

Is your favourite thing to do put the lives of your friends, family and colleagues in danger? Like watching them writhe and suffer in pain, for your own humorous enjoyment? Well, you've just read the right paragraph of a fic, then.

-

"Yes, I happen to like to do all of the above! Please, put me down!"

"…Tohru, what the hell?"

"Umm, my name isn't Tohru it's… umm… Hello Kitty! Yeah, that's right…"

"…"

-

I'm now afraid that Tohru might kill us all.

-

If I died, I bet she wouldn't care.

-

"I wouldn't"

"AKITO! Get out of that damn cosplay costume, NOW!"

"…Sorry Yuki…"

"Wait a second… KYO! Get out of that damn cosplay costume, NOW!"

"…Sorry Yuki…"

"Hang on… SAKI HANAJIMA! Get out of that costume, NOW!"

"Dammit! I would have got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"

"…"

-

Saki Hanajima is a very scary girl.

-

Have you noticed?

-

You know what… I might just…

-

"What?"

"I think I hear the DRUNKEN MAN FROM BREWERY LANE!"

"Gasp! That's very drunken of you!"

"Yes… yes it is…"

-

The Drunken Man from Brewery Lane is a young man, who used to have a loving wife, three wonderful daughters and a good paying job at the nuclear power plant. Then he took to drinking and became an alchoholic hobo. He is a trademark person from a song, who's name I can't remember right now.

-

"And I says to him I says, 'Ya want ya money? Go find it, 'cos I don't have it ya idiot head!' and he falls to the ground and… where's ma booze?"

"Hello there, Drunken Man. How are you?"

"YOU! YOU SCUM! You stole my… (hic)… my booze!"

"Yes. Yes I did"

"…"

-

GOBUYMANGABOOK6OFFRUITSBASKETRIGHTNOWEVENIFYOUDON'TKNOWWHATITISJUSTDOITDAMNYOU!

-

That was a notice. Read it. Decipher it. Follow what it says.

-

"Yuki, some people aren't stupid like you, and read notices in fanfics and follow them"

"And your saying I am stupid because I do?"

"…I just said that"

"Did you, Kureno? Did you?"

"Yes"

"…Dammit"

-

**A/N:**

**I thought of a title for my Kyo one.**

"**Meow Woof Pervy Boy: Behind the Baka Neko" **

**I wonder if that'll fit…**


	20. Angst, Humor and a Pervy, Pervy ENDING!

**A/N:**

**This chapter's title fits, I think.**

"**Angst, Humor and a Pervy, Pervy Ending"**

-

What the hell?

-

I came to the last page of my diary.

-

I told Akito and she said to me she said,

"I'm not buying you another one because of all the pervy things you wrote in the last one! Not only that, I am a silly stalker man bitch"

-

I didn't talk to her again for a week.

-

I summoned my master of weaponry on hr scrawny, bitchy ass.

-

"I SUMMON YEE, KYO SOHMA!"

"…"

"Where are my kinky weapons?"

"Umm… well, ya see… the thing is…"

"Okay, forget it. I SUMMON YEE, SHIGURE SOHMA!"

"Yes?"

"WHERE IS MY WEAPONS?"

"…Well, the story behind it all is…"

-

I was so. Freaking. Pissed.

-

"That's fucking it! I'm gonna write a letter, dammit!"

-

Dear God,

I am so freaking pissed with your people today. They stole all my kinky weaponry and used it to rape young high school girls on the corner of Augusta and Bishop street. If you look, you'll see the cum and blood, dammit! I demand action to be taken against these fools!

Yours truly,

Yuki Sohma, PRINCE OF THE RATS AND CLOSEST TO GOD HERSELF.

-

I sent it to Akito.

Action was taken.

-

"I say that they have to give you the best sex you ever had. No! They have to make you have an orgy in 5 minutes, otherwise they must die. Now go! I want to see some Yaoi action here!"

-

It was done.

-

Luckily, they got my to orgy within 4 minutes and 59.99 seconds. Even if they hadn't made it, I don't think Akito would have killed them.

Just played with their winkies a bit.

-

What would you do for the flying car?

-

"Umm… how much is it?"

"There's only on condition, free of charge!"

"What's the condition?"

"I AINT TELLING YOU!"

"Tell, or I aint doing it"

"Come on man, it's the flying car!"

"Fine… I'll take the car"

"Okay… but you have to chop off your foot"

"DAMMIT, THE DEALS OFF!"

"You get local afterwards… just not during"

"Hmm… which foot?"

"You choose"

"Okay, my left one"

"Right…."

"What?"

"Well, the local he gives you kinda knocks you out. Then… he fiddles with your widdle"

"Aww crap! Deals off!"

"Come on! Flying car here! Life time of riches and fame and fortune and-"

"Fine."

"Okay… but after he's done with you he then lets his friends play with you too"

"…"

"It's for the flying car! Do it! Come on!"

"Okay, fine!"

"You mean you'd chop of your foot then let a heap of guys fiddle your widdle?"

"…?"

"I thought I knew you man. I thought I knew you!"

"…"

-

Yeah. I don't think I will ever look at Hiro the same.

EVER.

-

ANGST.

-

It's what causes us to feel sad and emotional.

EMO.

-

I will never forget my emo slash yeast heritage.

Not on your watch.

-

"What about mine?"

"Yes Hatori, on yours I'll forget. But not Shigure's"

"…"

-

I had a dream once.

-

I was Cinderella.

-

Thousands of men were killing each other for me.

-

Night and day.

-

But then, they found out I was a guy.

-

It was a very angsty dream.

-

Very…

-

"Yuki, you freak (slap)!"

"Please Kagura, like you can talk! OBSESSED!"

"Gasp! (crys)"

-

You know, I've been through a lot of crazy situations in my life.

But I have a favourite.

-

"Hey Yuki, I was just wondering about… about your secret…"

"UO! What the hell?"

"Yeah… Tohru told me about.. _it_"

"Ooh…"

"I just don't understand how someone like her could end up with terribly cursed people. The curse of angst is very bad, ya know. I'm sorry, dude"

"(almost had heart attack)"

"What?"

"Heh… nothing…"

-

I had a heap of rats surround me yesterday. It was funny.

I was in science class and my teacher had heaps of rats for us to experiment on.

-

Tohru was depressed for me, because that's like, my SPECIES MAN.

-

Kyo was happy though. He was using one as a voodoo of me.

Silly bitch.

-

I clicked my tongue in a very attractive manor and all the rats came and jumped on my desk.

Everyone stared.

-

I laughed.

-

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yuukkiii…"

"Tohru, you really should get that stutter checked out"

"But the r-r-rats…"

"What about them? They like me. Want to suck one? You can suck me!"

"…"

-

So maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. But hey.

I say what I wanna say.

-

BALLS is the only word in the dictionary that when heard, people laugh and think the wrong thing.

-

"Balls"

"Yuki, you feral!"

"No Momiji, look. Balls. Soccer balls"

"… Ooh…"

"(smirk)"

-

I have a confession to make.

Just one, before I leave.

-

….(suspense)

-

…

-

I DID YOUR MUM!

-

**A/N:**

**Wow… the end of the series. 20 chapters of utter insanity, pervertedness and things I (at 13) shouldn't really be talking about.**

**Oh well.**

**I hope you really loved it! I loved writing this thing.**

**One last review? For me?**


	21. Just a Quick Note

Yuki and I are proud to say...

**THANK YOU SO MUCH! **

**We now have over 10,000 hits for this story and 140 reviews! **

**That's a record I'm happy to beat. **

**I just wanted to quickly thank everyone for taking your time to go inside the sick mind of Yuki Sohma and myself, I guess. It's a pleasure to serve you.**

I never expected to get 140 reviews for such a pervy story. But I'm glad. It convinces me to go on.

**Thanks again, **

**Dukoro-chan and Yuki.**

**-**

"Hey! I never said I wanted to say thanks to anyone! Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? Get back here right now, or I'll screw you all!"


End file.
